Enjoy These 83 Funny Dog Quotes with your Favorite Pet Dog

dog quotes funny

Dogs can provide us with warmth, trust, protection, loyalty, and unconditional love. For dogs, we are their life, their family, we’re the only ones that they have, and that’s why they give everything they can to their favorite humans. If you have your favorite pet dog, so does a dog have it’s favorite “Hooman.”

Read these 83 Funny Dog Quotes with your Pet Dog

Most dog lovers like me would often talk to their dogs as if they’re a human being. Sometimes, we would also think about “what if they could speak!” that would kinda be nice if we want to know what they are thinking about.

Here is a list of dog quotes funny that can briefly explain your daily life with your pet:

1. “You should handle any kind of situations like a dog. If you can’t play or eat with it, then just pee on it and then walk away.” – Unknown

2. “Have you ever considered what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we are, coming back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul of chicken, pork, and half a cow. They must have thought that we’re the greatest hunters on earth!” – Anne Tyler

3. “If there are some aliens looking at our dog and us while we’re picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge between us?”- Unknown

4. “Histories are full of examples of the fidelity of dogs than of friends.” – Alexander Pope

5. “My cats inspire me every day. They inspire me to get a pet dog!”- Greg Curtis

6. “He’s a friendly dog, but beware of the owner.” – Unknown

7. “Dalmatians aren’t the only superior ones in other dogs, they are like all dogs. They are infinitely less stupid than men.” – Eugene O’Neil

8. “If you want to have the best seat in the house, you’ll have to move the dog.” – Unknown

9. “I have always wondered if the other dogs think poodles are members of some kind of weird religious cult.” – Rita Rudner

10. “If I have been given a choice between dogs and dudes, I won’t think twice and would choose dogs.” – Unknown

11. “Dogs had never bit me. But humans do.” – Marilyn Monroe

12. “I don’t really care who dies in the movie, as long as the dog lives.” –Unknown

13. “Everyone thinks that they have the best dog, and definitely none of them are wrong.” – W.R. Purche

14. “The only one who can understand me is my dog.” –Unknown

15. “You can say any foolish things that you can think of to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you are right! I would have never thought of that!’” –Dave Barry

16. “If you have a dog, there will always be a reason to laugh.” – Unknown

17. “Some of my best leading men have horses and dogs.” – Elizabeth Taylor

18. “Scratch your pet dog, and you’ll realize that you’ve found a permanent job.” – Unknown

19. “Dogs teach boys perseverance, fidelity, and how to turn around three times before lying down.” – Robert Benchley

20. “Happiness starts with a wet boopy nose and ends with a wagging tail.” – Unknown

21. “The more I learn about humans, the more I find myself loving dogs.” – Mark Twain

22. “Some angels choose to have a fur instead of wings.” –Unknown

23. “If a man’s best friend is a dog, then that dog has a problem.” – Edward Abbey

24. “My dog is a cross breed, half pit-bull, and half poodle. He’s not much of a watchdog, but is a vicious gossip.” – Craig Shoemaker

25. “My new goal in life is to be as good of a person as my dog thinks I am.” – Unknown

26. “A pug is a living proof that God has a great sense of humor.” – Margot Kaufman

27. “The greatest pleasure of a dog is that you can make a fool of yourself with him, and not only he will scold you, but he will also make a fool of himself too.” – Unknown

28. “Dogs are the only beings on earth that would love you more than he loves himself.” – Josh Billings

29. “If you want a friend in Washington, then you should probably get a dog.” – Unknown

30. “You’ll find it hard to stay married. My wife would kiss the dog on the lips, yet she won’t even drink from my cup.” – Rodney Dangerfield

31. “If I had a dollar for every time that my dog makes me smile, then I would probably be a millionaire in an instant.” – Unknown

32. “Do you think dogs will not be in heaven? Let me tell you one thing, they will long be there before any of us does.” – Robert Louis Stevenson

33. “Nothing in the world is friendlier than a wet dog.” – Unknown

34. “Owners of dogs will have probably noticed that if you provide them with enough food, water, shelter, and affection, they’ll mostly think that you are a god. Whereas, cat owners are compelled to realize that, if you provide them with food, water, shelter, and affection, they’ll draw a conclusion that they are the gods.” – Christopher Hitchens

35.  “If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die, I want to go to where they went.” – Unknown

36. “A well-trained dog will not make an attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.” – Helen Thomson

37. “I do my best in work so that my dog can have a good life.” – Unknown

38. “My dog is worried about the world’s economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. And that’s almost $21.00 in dog money.” — Joe Weinstein

39. “Dogs will teach us a very important lesson in life that is not to trust a mailman.” – Sian Ford

40. “The reason why a dog has so many friends is that he’ll wag his tail instead of his tongue.” – Unknown

41. “Dogs are great. But bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are probably the greatest of them all.” – John Grogan

42. “If you are uncomfortable being around my dog, then I would be more than happy to lock you in the other room whenever you come over.” – Unknown

43. “A dog will desire affection more than it desires its dinner. Well, almost.” – Charlotte Gray

44. “Some of the days, you are the dog, and in some, you are the hydrant.” – Unknown

45. “In order to keep a true perspective of one’s importance, every one of us should have a dog that will worship you and a cat that will ignore you.” –Derek Bruce

46. “My home is filled with love… and dog hair.” – Unknown

47. “When I take my dog out for a walk, I won’t think twice of picking up their poop. But if there’s another dog poop next to it, I would think, ‘Eww, it’s a dog poop!’”- Jonah Goldberg

48. “If my dog doesn’t like you, then I probably won’t either.” – Unknown

49. “I have decided not to date a guy that isn’t excited to meet my dog. I mean, that’s like not wanting to meet my mother.” – Bonnie Schacter

50. “Every meal you bake, every snack you make, every bite you take…I’ll be watching you.” – Unknown

51. “No one appreciates a very special genius of your conversation as much as a dog does.” – Christopher Morley

52. “Dogs are like a bag of potato chips, you can’t just have one.” – Unknown

53. “Dogs and other animals are such agreeable friends. They won’t ask questions, and they don’t pass criticisms.” – George Elliot

54. “Forget about the dog when you have guests, they should probably watch out for your kids.” – Unknown

55. “One of the best psychiatrists in the world is a puppy licking your face.” – Ben Williams

56. “For those who have said that money can’t buy happiness, they probably forgot puppies.” – Unknown

57. “Have you ever walked into a room and then forget why you walked in? I think that’s how dogs spend their lives.” – Sue Murphy

58. “Home decors are not complete without dog hairs.” – Unknown

59. “I have seen a look in a dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am very much convinced that dogs think humans are nuts.” – John Steinbeck

60. “The best therapist that you can find has a fur and four legs.” – Unknown

61. “People who don’t know what a soap tastes like has never bathed a dog.” – Franklin P. Jones

62. “I feel sorry for those people who don’t have dogs. I hear that they have to pick up the food they dropped on the floor.” – Unknown

63. “If you think dogs cannot count, then try putting at least three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give only two of them.” — Phil Pastoret

64. “If your dog is fat, then you are not getting much exercise.” – Unknown

65. “An average dog is a nicer person than an average person.” – Andy Rooney

66. “Don’t accept your dog’s admiration for you as conclusive evidence that you are a wonderful person.” — Ann Landers

67. “If you are a dog and then your owner would suggest that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail.” — Fran Lebowitz

68. “Dogs are the representatives of all the best things in men.” – Elienne Charlet

69. “God has sent angels down to earth in the form of dogs with notes saying not to judge, just love. However, they ate the notes, but they keep trying to deliver the messages.” – Unknown

70. “I care not for a man’s religion whose dog and cat are not the better for it.” – Abraham Lincoln

71. “There is no such thing as a bad day when you come home to a very excited puppy!”- Unknown

72. “Whoever has said that diamonds are a woman’s best friend has never owned a dog.” – Unknown

73. “Dogs are like a gentleman, and I hope to go to his heaven, not to a man’s.” – Mark Twain

74. “Those who love dogs know something about God.” – Fakeer Ishavardas

75. “I believe in integrity. Dogs always have it. But humans are sometimes lacking it. – Cesar Millan

76. “If you live with dogs, then you’ll never run out of things to write about.”– Sharon Delarose

77. “Once you peer into your loving dog’s eyes, then you will see the true meaning of trust and loyalty.” – Jeff Tikari

78. “Don’t make the mistake of treating your dogs like a human, or else they’ll treat you like dogs.”– Martha Scott

79. “Dogs are not our whole life, but they can make our lives whole.” – Roger A. Caras

80. “Dog’s lives are too short, and that’s their only fault.” – Agnes Sligh Turnbull

81. “Dogs will immediately come when they are called. While cats take a message and would get back to you later.”– Mary Bly

82. “Dogs are going to take over the world. It is a known fact for those who believe it. It’s kind of like the Bible.”– Green Day

83. “Dogs are actually very smart, it’s just that they are rather clumsy. However, it’s this trait that makes humans attracted to them, and that’s why I love dogs so much.”– Hiromu Arakawa

Final Thoughts

Dogs provide us with a lot of good things in life. They will give us happiness whenever we feel down and would comfort us when we are hurt. Dogs are truly amazing creatures. Aside from happiness and comfort, they can also entertain us with their clumsy traits, and that’s why we people adore them so much.

If these quotes have made you laugh, then feel free to share them with your other dog loving friends. I’m sure they’ll love it.